ERASE AND EMBRACE: WHY YOU NEED TO LET GO OF THE PAST AND GRAB YOUR FUTURE.
Spring cleaning. Some of us love it, some of us hate it, and some avoid it altogether. As I thought about what to talk about this week, spring cleaning came to mind. We make a point of cleaning our living spaces annually - why don’t we do that mentally? Think about all you’ve experienced in the last year - have you taken the time to actually sort through it and make sure you’re not carrying any old habits, beliefs, or memories that no longer serve you? Probably not. So let’s talk about why it’s important and how to get it done.
Historical Symbolism of Spring Cleaning
I decided to look into the history of spring cleaning. Why we do it and where it started. Interestingly, I found myself on the National Geographic site of all places. Turns out, spring cleaning dates way back with one of the earliest known findings being in the Jewish culture and connected to Passover. People would clean up any leavened bread (referred to as chametz) because it wasn’t allowed leading up to the holiday. Removing it also symbolizes how quickly the Israelites had to leave Egypt. They didn’t have time to wait for their bread to rise before starting their journey to freedom.
Spring cleaning happens across religions, cultures, and the world. The symbolism strongly carrying through no matter what the practices look like. It’s all about clearing out the old to prepare for the new and in many ways, is seen as a form of purification to help bring in all the good the new year brings.
The Mental Impact of Accumulated Experiences
Think about it. This generation has been going through it from 9/11 to the 2008 recession, to COVID-19 in 2018, to sky-high interest rates and inflation. All of that builds up and is compounded by regular life everyday. We’ve had to face things like the reality of how vulnerable we are to large scale attacks on our freedom and recognizing that the “American dream” we were sold may very well not be within reach for many of us. That’s heavy. Then add what comes with daily life — job changes, break ups, moves, changes in relationships, expected and unexpected big life changes. It adds up. This is exactly why it’s so important to give ourselves grace and recognize that this stuff does impact all of us in different ways. Unless we deal with it, it’s going to hang around and continue to influence all our current and future experiences. I don’t know about you, but I’d rather set myself up for new experiences to be influenced by past good ones, like sitting on a beach in Hawaii. But more often than not, our negative past experiences come through most strongly as we make decisions about current events.
This is because we use our past experiences to make decisions about future ones. If we had a bad experience or outcome, our brain is going to be wired to remember what happened and try to prevent us from doing it again in the future. I know what you’re thinking: “Then why does my bestie keep going back to that dude who treats her like crap? She should literally be hard-wired to avoid him!” We won’t go into that today because that’s not about survival, it’s about connection and belonging. What I’m talking about is another part of our brain — the amygdala. This little guy is responsible for a lot, including making notes of what we’ve done in the past that led to good or bad outcomes. He’s not all that interested in context, which makes him problematic at times. Remember last week when we talked about thinking shortcuts (aka cognitive heuristics)? They live in the amygdala and they’re at play here, too, because we draw on them when under stress. The tricky piece is that they are used both when we are under good stress (eustress) and bad stress (distress). If we aren’t careful, past experiences can muck up some of our greatest moments. And that, is why mental spring cleaning is just as important as physical spring cleaning.
Practical Steps to Mentally Spring Clean
Think back for a moment. When you have a decision to make, be it for an exciting reason or not, what do you think about? What do you remember from your past that impacts your current decision? Examples might include:
Remembering that one time you made the jump to a new job because you couldn’t stand staying in your current one, but you learned that sometimes “the devil we know is better than the devil we don’t know”? So now you’d rather stay with that horrible boss because at least you can count on that paycheck rather than take a leap and maybe experience something better.
Being in a healthy relationship, but wondering if it’s too good to be true because you’ve never been in a healthy relationship like this. So you might start self-sabotaging by starting fights, becoming suspicious of their caring acts towards you, or simply trying to find “what’s wrong” so you can get out before “it happens again.”
Saving money so scrupulously that you don’t indulge in fun stuff very often because you’ve got a scarcity mindset. You’re busy missing vacations, days off work to make core memories with loved ones, and living your best life. Why? Because you remember graduating in 2008 and being excited to jump into the job force and make some real money, only to find that you should have been saving every cent from your retail gig because the job market simply wasn’t there, and wouldn’t be there for a while.
This. This is how the mental clutter shows up and can ruin future positive experiences for us. The amygdala says: “Hey - remember that one time you took a risk and it didn’t pan out? Yeah, let’s just avoid that by maintaining the current situation, even if it’s not that great.”
Now that we have a sense of what we tend to think back to when making decisions, it’s time to really evaluate the criteria we use to make our decisions. Does it make sense to keep that scarcity mindset because of the 2008 recession? How long are you going to let memories of Dan from college prevent you from having that incredible relationship? Are you really going to let the memories of risks you took pan out prevent you from taking future risks? By identifying the memories or beliefs that guide our decisions, we can better determine if they serve our best interests. When we don’t do this, we keep making decisions based on the past, for better or worse. So — what’s driving your decisions to create your current circumstances? Fear? Scarcity? Consistently preferring certainty over risk? Something that limits you tends to repeat until you deal with it. If you notice persistent patterns like “I can’t seem to get ahead,” “always struggling,” or dissatisfaction in relationships and jobs, it may indicate a need for mental spring cleaning.
Next Steps
Now you have a choice to live by fear or virtue. Take an inventory of the thoughts and memories that pop up when you have to make a decision. Are they rational or based on a one-off situation? Do they tell you that maybe you could benefit from talking to a therapist to (really and finally) let it go? Are they limiting you or acting as a springboard for growth? Are they keeping you in the same circumstances or situation you were five years ago? If so, the best way to “clean” these beliefs and memories out is to work through them. Not always, but often, they can represent what we call “little t trauma” - in other words, a shitty experience that you’re not quite over, but didn’t hit like a “big T trauma.” “Big T traumas” are pivotal - think sexual assault, real or threatened death, witnessing a horrible event that was probably pretty violent. Often people only think of the “big T trauma” as a potential limiting factor to living a full life, but it’s often the insidious “little t’s” that quietly but convincingly limit us.
With that, clean. Decide what memories and beliefs are legitimately worth referencing when making decisions and how they will help you start leading the life you want - and can have now - instead of vaguely repeating old patterns. A therapist can be super helpful with this because we can help you get a sense of what the unhelpful stuff is and what the good stuff is. Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is particularly effective with spring cleaning. It breaks down what I talked about up top - how our thoughts that stem from beliefs and memories influence our decision-making. The work isn’t necessarily hard like that one time you decided to run the Spartan Super with your buddies - but you will feel the mental burn of getting healthier.
SO. It’s Saturday morning, although the weather here in Colorado is supposed to be crappy, get to cleaning. Open the windows (your mind), sweep and mop those floors, dust off the shelves (wipe off the grime of unhelpful memories and beliefs), and enjoy the beauty that is letting go and starting anew. You can do it and most importantly - you deserve it.
